Behind the Bob - boundaries, what boundaries?

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Welcome to Behind the Bob Diary of a Comms

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Director with me, Carrie Ann Wade.

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This podcast is all about developing communications leaders of the

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future and supporting you to grow and thrive in your comms career.

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You'll hear from me about my experiences and insights, and there might even

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be a special guest or two popping up.

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So I hope you enjoy.

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Boundary setting is something you've probably heard me talk about

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a lot, and it's confession time.

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Time for some music.

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No, I haven't got any to hand, but dun, duh.

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My confession is I have recently let my boundaries slip, and that probably won't

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be a surprise to you either because it's something that I've talked about before.

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What I wanted to say first up is that recognizing and having that insight

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into how your boundaries slipping manifest for you is really important

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because that means that you can take action to reestablish those boundaries

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and reset them if you need to.

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For me personally this shows up as feeling overwhelmed and a little out of

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control, knowing that I'm prioritizing other people's needs above my own,

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and I do mean that professionally and continuing to do that rather than

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prioritizing mine and also in not feeling as productive as I could.

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It is important to consider how being unbounded or how your boundaries

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slipping show up for you, so I would definitely encourage you to

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take some time to reflect on that.

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I've also noticed that in my personal life, it's manifested as me not

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prioritizing my own health and wellbeing.

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When my professional boundaries slip, I give up my fitness time, even

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though I know this is not good for me.

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Ironically, if I practice my boundaries better at work, this

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wouldn't happen, but such is life.

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I'm going to start this conversation by assuming we are all in a

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place where we know two things.

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One, it's okay to have and to set boundaries at work no matter

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what level you are operating at.

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And two, maintaining your boundaries takes practice.

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And there will be all sorts of reasons why they might slip.

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My advice here is go easy on yourself, because boundary setting is something

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I talk about a lot with communicators.

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I thought dedicating an episode to it might be helpful, and I wanted to really

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focus in for me on the reasons why I need boundaries as a communications director.

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So strap yourselves in here we go to protect my time and energy.

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So I can focus on the right things and deliver my priorities

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to the best of my ability.

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What could be a better reason to need a boundary in the workplace?

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This is so linked to delegation for me.

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Resource issues in my team recently have meant that I've not delegated

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work as much as I should or I could.

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However, this is not best use of my time or my skillset, and it also doesn't

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help those around me in terms of their own growth, development, and stretch.

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Actually, we need to talk as a team about what is achievable and provide clarity

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over whose role certain things are.

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That's not to say that we don't help each other out, but we do need to be

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clear on each of the value ads that we bring in progressing strategic

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and operational deliverables.

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Next up, boundaries are important to protect my team.

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Now I know what I've just said, and this can get a bit mixed up in

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that point that I've just made as sometimes I've seen not delegating

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work as a way to protect my team.

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Having said that, protecting my team and managing their capacity is actually about

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setting real ex realistic expectations and negotiating with other senior leaders.

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When I ask a question to someone about what is the priority,

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the answer can't be everything.

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If the answer is everything, then actually nothing is a priority.

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It's my role as communications director to set some clear

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boundaries about what's achievable.

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I've pre previously been in positions where my people pleasing modes kicked

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in and in meetings I've said yes to things, and then worried about

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afterwards how they'll be delivered.

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I realize now that's not healthy or helpful for me, for my team,

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or for the wider organization.

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In this space.

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I witnessed a brilliant example about four or five years ago where in an

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executive meeting the chief executive asked a leader to progress a piece of

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work that she had just presented a sap.

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Her response I thought was brilliant.

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She said, I'm happy to do that, but I need to flag now that I do not have the

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resource and capacity to do this right now, along with the other priorities

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that my team is currently working on.

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If this is going to take priority, please can we agree which deliverables can wait.

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She was polite and respectful, but she clearly articulated her and her

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team's position, and guess what?

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The world didn't stop turning nobody kicked off.

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The response was actually a really positive one, which demonstrated to

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me that actually it's okay to set those boundaries and deliver some

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expectation setting into the organization even with the chief executive.

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Another reason for me to be clear on my boundaries is to help me deliver

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strategic objectives for the organization.

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Both of the things I've just talked about in terms of boundaries are important in

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helping to deliver strategic objectives, but using boundaries to set expectations,

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seek clarity and protect resource and capacity, as well as ensuring the

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right skill sets and experience of being deployed can only be positive

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in helping to deliver the priorities and objectives for the business.

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So when I have to be assertive and when I need to talk about my boundaries and

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communicate them, I always keep that in the back of my mind because what I'm

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doing is helping me deliver strategic objectives for the wider organization.

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I sometimes think boundary setting can be seen as selfish and people

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can feel guilty about doing it.

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But I hope as we move through this conversation, you can see there are

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lots of really positive reasons that go beyond just protecting your own self,

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your own time and energy in terms of why we would set professional boundaries.

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Finally the point that I wanted to talk about around boundary

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setting for me as a comms director is that I believe it improves my

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decision making as a senior leader.

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One of the things it's really easy to do as a communicator and as a

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leader is to fill your diary with meetings, and I've noticed that as

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we work more and more in this virtual space, that these meetings are quite

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honestly back to back with no break.

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In order for me to participate fully in a meeting and to enable me to contribute

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to and to make informed decisions, it is absolutely okay for me to be

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boundaried with my time, and that also means being boundaried with my diary.

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Blocking out time to prepare for meetings.

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Read papers is all part of my role.

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It's not a nice to have, and this prep time is also something that I've noticed

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is easily consumed by other people.

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If you are not clear that it is not to be moved from your diary.

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There will of course be exceptions when there'll be times it feels

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like a meeting might need to be prioritized over your prep time.

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But it's about being really clear that a conversation has to happen about that,

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not just an assumption that your prep time is free time for another meeting.

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So these are just some of the reasons why I feel it's important

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to set boundaries in my role.

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There are many others and I know that you will have your own.

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As I said, being boundary does take practice though.

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One of the things I need to get better at is protecting my own time and mental

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capacity, particularly in times of change or challenge in the workplace.

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In all my roles as a senior communications leader, I found that I've often been the

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confidant for other leaders, the person people come to for a common sense check or

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advice about how something's impacted them or others or even I guess, for therapy.

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I do see this as part of my role, and I also see it as a privilege to

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have those trusted relationships.

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I've realized that I still need to be boundaried in this space.

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Otherwise, it can become all consuming and really rather draining.

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I have also realized that there will be times when the change or uncertainty

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impacts on me personally, and if I don't set clear boundaries in this space,

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then I actually deem myself a disservice as I'm not giving myself the emotional

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headspace to deal with my own thoughts and feelings and process what's happening.

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While I struggle as a people pleaser to always be boundaried in this

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type of scenario, things that help me are asking the other person

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what their desired outcome is.

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Do they just need to vent?

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Do they want support from me to seek a solution?

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It's really important to know what that other person is expecting

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from the conversation that they're going to have with you.

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I also think it's important to only start that conversation if you know

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you have the time for it, and to be clear with the other person about

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how much time you have available.

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If you need to have the conversation at a later date, then say, you

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want to be able to give it the time and respect that it deserves.

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And finally, on that point, , Feel empowered to say that the situation

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also has an impact on you and that you want to share your feelings about it.

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If of course you do, you might not always.

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I would say don't underestimate the mental load you carry.

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As a communications leader, we are privy to all sorts of highly sensitive,

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challenging information, and we have to meet so many different demands on

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our time and manage so many different relationships that it's important to

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recognize this and know when you need to take some time out to recharge.

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My final word in this episode about boundaries.

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Prioritize your life as much as your work.

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Book the leave Switch off your phone.

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Don't reply to that email immediately.

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Leave work on time.

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I know it won't always be possible as we have lots of responsibilities in the

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roles we have as communicators and as leaders, but we also only have one life.

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Key to all of the things that I've said today is communication, and

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if as communications professionals we can't communicate our boundaries

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clearly to others, then quite frankly, I'm not sure what chance

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anyone else has of doing the same.

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So put into practice not only your boundary setting, but all of those

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excellent communication skills that you've got, and start to provide that clarity

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both to yourself and others about what your boundaries are in the workplace.

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As part of the Cat's Pajamas Thrive Programme, we run a complete

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session on boundary setting and I've also run workshops on the very

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subject of setting boundaries, how to do it and why it's important.

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So if you want to know more, please do get in touch.

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And if you want to carry on this conversation, then drop me a line

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or engage with me on the socials.

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Thank you for listening to this episode of Behind the Bob.

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I'd love for you to subscribe on your favourite podcast platform

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and leave a rating or a review.

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You can also engage with me over on the socials..

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Find me on Instagram and Twitter @catspjs_uk.